I’ve never really written about emotional abuse before, but I thought I’d pen a few paragraphs on this dark topic tonight. My wife and I know of a couple where the domineering female half of the couple has made life increasingly difficult for the man, whom we will call Germaine. Every time we have a suspicion, it seems that something odd happens that somehow verifies the accuracy of our instincts. Earlier in the relationship, the female half, for instance, somehow managed to accidentally dial us in the middle of a terrible (verbal) fight. If you heard it, you’d understand the destructive nature of emotional abuse—whether it’s a man or woman on the receiving end. She was screaming awful things at the top of her lungs—completely unaware of the open line being recorded on our voicemail. Shortly after, the male half attempted to leave her.
For a while, we were thankful that the man began to finally have an opportunity to heal and speak again to family members—particularly his daughters of whom she harbors a deep and baffling jealousy. He confirmed much of what had been previously suspected. Germaine verified that she held his phone and screened his calls and texts. This has led to injured relationships with family members and old friends, missed opportunities, and a general lack of connection with family and friends with whom she doesn't wish to connect. She took away the television they had out of fears of him being drawn away by another woman he might catch sight of on the screen. Her narcistic tendencies also had a devastating effect upon his livelihood, but further details here can’t be shared at this time. As we feared, though, he decided in the end to return to the isolation and pain of abuse. It felt like a gut punch to those who love Germaine.
Most recently, she impersonated him on a long and viscous series of texts to one of his daughters in particular. When the truth of her deception came to light, it was shared with Germaine; sadly, he seemed less surprised than simply deeply grieved by this broken trust. To those whom she does not see as a threat, she’s as sweet as pie. Germaine’s own brothers don’t appear to have the slightest idea at the degree of emotional abuse he’s suffering daily. Going home for Germaine is less a retreat than it is a war zone filled now with her hoarded belongings. But, he said yes: for better or worse.
An interesting thing about emotional abuse is the people it hits beyond its initial victim; both daughters are greatly suffering. One of them in particular is dealing with incredibly painful fibromyalgia, which seems to be linked to the stress and pain of the lost relationship with her father. Having lost her mother some years back, she now feels essentially that she’s lost her father too. She has to try to back away from the relationship to safeguard her own mental and physical health.
So…if you’re considering returning to an abusive relationship, understand that yours is not the only life that will be darkened by this evil. It's like a cancer that races out from a starting point with a desire to infect and corrupt.
Enough is enough.
Resources:
National Domestic Abuse Hotline
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