"The Blood Cries Out" Great Review Giveaway!

Win original sketch by Kimberly Erickson!

You've probably heard the news--The Blood Cries Out is now available as an e-book through both Amazon and Barnes and Noble.  (Soon, it should also reach traditional distribution.)  The challenge now is how does one jumpstart the online reader reviews when no one seems to want to go first?  Well, we have a plan!


If you purchase and honestly review the tale (at either online retailer) between now and August 3rd, we will enter you for a chance to win this original sketch completed by artist and illustrator Kimberly Erickson (author's wife).  All you need to do is to e-mail Karl when your review goes live online.  If you do two reviews--one for Kindle and one for Nook readers--you'll receive one extra entry to win the sketch.  

We're going ahead, though, and throwing one more enticement into that winner's lucky hand.  Kimberly has just launched a Summer Art Sale online.  It will features many paintings and prints at a reduced cost--for a week only.  Our randomly-selected winner will also receive a coupon code good for 25% off any art purchase (for this online sale only).  

You should know that this art sale will also feature one work by Kimberly's father, John Carroll Collier.    

So, don't miss out!  Submit your review today!!

Returning with Something Quite Silly

I have a disturbing confession to make today:  I have an unusual sense of humor.  Truth be known it has gotten me into some trouble in the past.  It's also raised some bushy eyebrows among my serious-minded friends.  I've paid a high price indeed for the influence of Peter Sellers, Danny Kaye, Steve Martin, Al Yankovic, and...my dog, Chester.  (Seriously, though, I do believe laughter is terribly important in our lives.  See the referenced post for more.)

The other day I returned to my blog with the brilliant idea of posting my entire Restless Auditor work entitled How to be Unsuccessful Without Really Trying.  Sadly, however, there is likely a very good reason why this little work remains undiscovered and unpublished; it's not that good.  Since I just released some real writing, I thought it might not be the best marketing move to inject the entire RA work into the public domain at this time.  Have you seen Outbreak?  Anyway, I took it down after a few days.  (This cycle is actually not uncommon when it comes to Restless Auditor wanderings.)

Then, it occurred to me that a better approach might be to put this quietly back up with the inclusion of just two excerpts.  If you'd like the entire sordid piece, just e-mail me a note, and my staff will get on it immediately.

Again....I am so very sorry for what follows.  :)

One/"1"


I took it upon myself to really go the extra mile when it came to failing my membership within Society of Financial Proctologists (SFP).  What follows below are actual copies of my letters to Mr. Bubba Bubbason.

To: Mr. Bubbason, SFP

Re: Late Night Visit and Related Issues

Late last night I made an ill-advised phone call to your secret cell phone.  After I hung-up and tossed my disposable phone out my window, it occurred to me that some of the descriptive terms employed within said message were less than neighborly--or auditorly.  That being the case, I decided I needed to make amends.  I proceeded straight to your secluded residence a little after midnight.  

As I wandered your manicured lawns and poked around your private spaces, I had two to four main goals in mind.  First, avoid your sprinklers.  Second, erase message on the cell phone.  Third, leave behind my autographed picture of Stephen Colbert--for whom I may soon be offering my brain in jar for Super Pac consulting opportunity--as a gesture of my good will.  Fourth, avoid your sprinklers.

I was not, however, made aware of your two new dogs.  Instead of heading into your house where I usually do (you know the 1st floor library bathroom window you leave ajar?), I had to make a life/death decision and make entry via the dog door.  Sadly, this really wasn't a good choice.  (Please return the seat of my black pants, if found.)  

After wandering to and fro for a while, I finally located your cell phone on top of your bedside table.  I accessed your voice mail and deleted the inappropriate message.  After heading back downstairs at 2:35am, I stubbed my toe on your bear rug in the Great Hall.  Unfortunately, this caused me to drop the Colbert picture in your wet bar.  Stephen is  at the bar.  

Truth be known, I was a little upset at this point.  On the way back out to that hole in your south fence, I happened across your neighbor's Prius.  I was so impressed with its successful removal from the pond, that I'm afraid I bumped it (or maybe released the brake and put it in neutral).  It's indeed likely that this hybrid vehicle may have rolled back into the pond a second time.

That's not necessarily the worst of it, though.  Rolling down the fairway grass on its journey to said pond, the little hybrid pancaked a sleeping mallard.  As your two dogs had apparently been investigating the duck, it may have also hit them.  In the process of attempting to recover the duck (duck a l'orange is a favorite), I somehow managed to activate the water supply to your pond.  The pretty water rushed in so fast!  It was fun to watch for a few minutes, but, as your backyard began to disappear, I was getting sleepy.  

At any rate, I know that I was successful in removing the message, because I still have your cell phone.  Isn't that funny!?  Also, I deleted the other messages--to be safe, you know.  Incidentally, who's Sylvia whom you're meeting at "our special place?"  Be sure to tell her hi from me!  She sounds like a nice girl.

Returning back to the ol' homestead, I found your package in my mail slot.  I guess I haven't checked the mail in a few days.  What is a "Restraining Order" exactly?  Although my cousin plays a small recurring role in CSI SUV ASAP @ the AARP, I'm afraid my legal skills are not as strong as his are--at least when he's sober.

Look forward to working out those membership details!  I'm sure we'll have this all behind us in no time.  

Best Regards,

The Restless Auditor

To: Mr. Bubbason, SFP

Re: Sorry About Rolling Prius into Your Koi Pond

Per paragraph 2 of the stipulated judgement forwarded to me today by Harrold Hummers, I would like to express my written apology to Bubba Clyve Bubbason, current president of the Society of Financial Proctologists.  It was indeed a very poor exercise in judgement to run your neighbor's Prius into your Koi pond.  Also, adding the piranha to the koi pond was not really neighborly of me.

Since we're taking a moment to air our dirty laundry, I'd like to pause to reflect on some other items.  To the lunchtime dinners of Franky's Pizzeria, you really should not have been eating the salad bar's tapioca.  To the Honorable Scott Deylander, I didn't realize that was a Chihuahua in your backyard when taking up falconry.  (I thought it was a rat.)  Really sorry 'bout that.  If you'd like, I can return several parts.

To Stephen Colbert, when you failed to accept my generous consulting offer for your Super Pac, I'm afraid I may have been momentarily upset.  It's possible I may have fired off a very angry letter to a Hell's Angel representative in your name.  It's true that I called the organization "a bunch of pansy boys in leather who care more about wearing their dresses on the weekends than riding their little trikes," but I'm sure they'll laugh amicably at the humor of it all.  (Oh, I also gave them your address and e-mail.)

Please also accept my apologies in advance reference the box you will be receiving later this week.  As long as you haven't visited South America in the last decade, you should be fine.  ...Did you happen to see Outbreak?

Anywho, that's about it.  Oh, wait, to that strange Wikipedia editor who runs the feral cat and poodle rescue service, I probably shouldn't have ordered those fur coats for you.  That was indeed unkind--but they are awful fuzzy.

Lastly, Bubba Clyve Bubbason, if you should happen to notice a short man wearing all black sneaking around outside your home late at night, please pay him no mind.  Also, would you mind turning off your automated sprinklers until Tuesday?  No reason...

TWO/"2"

Don't you just adore jury duty? It's indeed a happy time! I'm so excited to have the opportunity to participate in such gripping human theater! (Keep in mind that I don't get out that much.) As an auditor, I take this civic duty particularly seriously. That's why I have compiled an informal guide to better assist you (the poor reader) in negotiating the mysterious labyrinth of justice. Many people arrive for jury duty completely ill-prepared.

Most, truth be known, even leave the relative security of their homes or park benches without the added protection of the Special Aluminum Foil Hat of Great Power (SAFHGP). That's a mistake I'll never make again. Like I told that big bailiff last time, "No, I'm not taking it off. Without my hat, I would be unsafe. People might even speak to me. With my hat, however, I am ready for anything that comes my way--except clowns or women carrying small dogs in glittery purses." Yikes!

Without further ado, here are my top ten must haves for a successful jury duty experience. For the sake of reader convenience, I have decided to share this list in a randomized order with a dash of psychosis.

4. A Barbie cell phone is useful for communication purposes. Use it to discuss the skin condition of the person sitting in front of you.

3. The Compact Edition of the Oxford English Dictionary is ideal for light reading. It also builds arm strength, though, which is a negative.

5. Bring a small stuffed animal or two as your special companion(s). Share your feelings. Think stream of consciousness here; free all those dark thoughts! If your small companion happens to be missing a head or arm, no worries! (Try to sit next to a woman who is wheeling a doll around in a stroller. You won't be sorry!)

8. A circa 1980s walkman radio. No reception? Connect it to your SAFHGP.

2. Don't forget to also use the aluminum foil on your glasses and hearing aids. No hearing aids? That's not very macho!

1. Special Aluminum Foil Hat of Great Power (SAFHGP)

7. A camera is a must have for deliberations. Record the fun!

6. Share your thoughts! Do you believe any person in a court (including that big bailiff) should be shot? Be truthful and honest about this. This is sure to win you points and influence important people!

9. Remember eye contact. Winking at the judge is a great technique.

10. Purple. Don't forget to take this seriously. After all, this is an important part of our justice thingy.

What about afterwards? What does the courteous and respectful juror need to remember post-jury time? Sure, you've sentenced that weird-looking guy with bad hair to serious prison time, but what about the judge? You don't want to lose that special relationship you've established with him, do you? Judges are really touched when jurors look up their personal addresses and send them regular cards. Keep in touch. You might even consider flowers on his childrens' birthdays!

MOST IMPORTANTLY, DON'T FORGET THANK YOU CARDS!

The Blood Cries Out is Released!

Happy to announce that The Blood Cries Out is now available from Light Switch Press!

Seattle Police Homicide Detective David Lightholler finds himself on a case unlike any he's faced before. In the midst of working the darkest double homicide of his career, he unearths violent secrets of his family's past that promise to haunt him for many years unless he can bring redemption and meaning out of the evil of the past--and present.

While the tale is set between Seattle and Friday Harbor, it also incorporates some important Oregon frontier history. The novel is first be available for Kindle and Nook readers, then it should reach traditional distribution channels. For regular updates, "like" the book's page on Facebook!

Interested in learning some of this novel's backstory? Read "Beginning at the Middle". For more story details, read last year's "Locked and Loaded." (The excerpt has been updated because of changes since the editing.)

Blog is Temporarily Inactive

While I campaign for the Oregon House of Representatives, I've decided to stop working with this blog.  I'll leave it up, but I will not be making new posts for a long time.

History in Your Fiction (by John Konecsni)

If you're a fan of the thriller genre, you might have noticed a strange trend.  Many thrillers have been looking backwards, turning to history, sometimes in the middle of the most high-tech shootouts you'll ever see. Some of these have some interesting viewpoints on history – James Rollins, for example, or David Morrell's The Spy Who Came for Christmas – and some make history into a chaotic, gibbering mass of propaganda (Do I even need to say “Dan Brown”?).  As much as I would like to blame certain history-bending hacks, this trend pre-dates any books with Renaissance artists in the title.

Using history is often difficult when writing a thriller. No matter what the author is using, there's always the danger of using too much information.  You have to give enough information to establish context, culture, in addition to the personalities involved, the reasoning behind events … and this doesn't even count actions involved. Not only that, it's all too easy to make the history that is relevant to the plot a pedantic, endless lecture.

There are some solutions to this.  With James Rollins, he balances it out by interweaving it so closely to the plot (as well as some surprisingly cutting-edge physics) and some tight, well-written action sequences. David Morrell elaborates on the history with a simple, eloquent storyteller feel.

For example, in A Pius Man, the book took place in the 21^st century, and centered around the World War II Pope, Pius XII, and how he was labeled “Hitler's Pope” (by about a half-dozen pop-history hacks in the late '90s, and a few thriller authors earlier this century). As a history major, I did my own research, and my inner Bruce Banner got offended.

Unfortunately, while being annoyed is a good way to motivate a book, it's not a great way to write. Sure, my first draft addressed every single inaccuracy and idiocy ever expressed by anybody surrounding the history of Pius XII … and every bit of theology and philosophy they got wrong … and there's more than one reason A Pius Man turned into a trilogy.  Granted, a lot of thought went into the books. Perhaps too much thought.

In subsequent rewrites, the history / theology / philosophy (hereby shortened to “the nonfiction”) was spread out over the two primary threads of the story.  On the one hand, there was the investigation of “people going to the Vatican archives are being murdered,”and there was an adjoining thread that involved two spies looking at one of the victims … who happened to be a terrorist. The end result not only cut out ten pages of endless prattling of nonfiction (Galileo might be interesting, but connecting his house arrest to the main plot is a bit of a stretch, even for this book), but also spread it across the entire novel that looked more like James Rollins than Certain Authors Who Shall Not Be Named. The monologues became discussions, and they were broken up by, well, attempts by heavily armed men trying to kill them.

See? It's not that hard.  Using history in a novel is like using forensics or medicine, or any novel where a specific subset of knowledge is required in order to understand the story. The truly difficult part is making certain you don't love your subject so much you get into your own way. Then it just becomes a matter of “oh, look, I'm over-sharing.”  You have to be especially careful when a large part of the history is focused on convincing your characters (and your readers) about a specific historical point. After a while, persuasion becomes preaching, and the reader thinks “to heck with this, I'm going to skip ahead until you get back to the plot.” 

Granted, in the case of A Pius Man, it helps when characters have a low tolerance threshold for long discussions, and literally says, “Great, can we skip to the part of why we care?” That helps.

Advent: Lent, with Christmas Lights (by John Konecsni)

How many of us grew up with the concept that Advent was just Lent, only for Christmas? As a child of the '90s, my experience tells me “not many.”

Don't worry, this isn't going to be the standard “spirituality over materialism” Christmas special that you usually get this time of year. After all, if 40 years of “A Charlie Brown Christmas” isn't going to convince the Internet, then one blog post isn't going to tip the balance. Besides, if you're reading this post, it is unlikely that you need convincing. I can't see many of Karl's readers involved in a Black Friday shootout over the latest gadgets.

However, how many of us take the time to prepare ourselves, spiritually, for the coming of Christmas, and Jesus' birthday? Assuming that neither you nor I are involved in the latest riot at a toy store – my gift shopping was done in August – we are free from any special psychosis-inducing event that comes with the materialism of the season. But what of the day-to-day?

Let us consider, for a moment, just how special Christmas is.  Yes, Christ was incarnate, etc, etc … does that really matter? After all, Christmas isn't considered the most important part of the Catholic calender, Easter is. There's a reason that Handel's Messiah has the “Hallelujah Chorus” in the section covering Easter.  And, for Easter, we pull out all the stops, don't we? We fast, we abstain, we confess.

What do we do for Advent? If we go by what your average church encourages, probably not as much as we should. While Easter is the day in the Eucharistic calender, Christmas is what makes Easter possible.

So, something to dwell on, if you would (I abhor the word “meditation”); try something that our Pope would be familiar with – the Jesuit practice of imagining.  In this case, just imagine if you were the creator of every speck of dust and every watt of electrons, and you make a choice to become – at best – a foot-long, 12-pound creature without the brainpower to utter a coherent sound. And you do this so that you can clean up the mistakes of people who really should know better. Isn't that a strange thing to do?

It was Fulton Sheen who once described the reason that Jesus had to be incarnate in order for our salvation.  He explained it very simply as a form of retribution, of repayment.  If you steal my watch and ask me to forgive you, I will, but I want my watch back.  Now, what happens when you offend against an infinite Being that is so far beyond our experience, the wonders of time and space are dwarfed?  What kind of repayment can we utilize to make amends?  Only something just as infinite – in this case, someone.

Yes, I agree, this is quite of bit of depth coming from someone who dedicates pages to shootouts in between bits of history just so he can revenge himself on Dan Brown, et al, but I have my moments.

In the memory of the Infinite Being who became a mewling infant, let's try to put in as much effort to Advent as to Lent. Visit a confessional, give up something if you like. Just … something.

As for me? I take a page from St. Augustine, who once said that “Singing is praying. When one sings, one prays twice.”  There's a reason that I'm always on the hunt for a perfect rendition of “Angels We Have Heard On High

New and Better Things

Politics has had my attention for a long time now.  During President Reagan's second campaign, I worked as a young volunteer in the downtown Yakima Republican headquarters.  It was usually just stuffing envelopes, but I was just glad to be able to do something to help a candidate in which I so strongly believed.  Lately, I've been so busy writing and working my state day job, that my political involvement has taken a nosedive.  That's about to take a serious change as I... enter the race for Oregon State House of Representatives, District 20.

Some close family and friends probably believe I've lost it, and that's fine.  I'm known for following my own course.  I'm accountable for what I do or don't do to make Oregon a better place.  I have to undertake what I believe is right, and I believe the timing is good this year for an entry into state politics.  I am optimistic that the people of Oregon's 20th District may see fit to entrust me with their confidence--and their vote.  It's not about me, however, it's about them.  A friend of mine calls this servant leadership, and I believe it's a critical mindset for successful and meaningful leadership.

As I step into this new chapter, I seek to proceed with the greatest humility as well as a desire to find incredibly talented people with whom to surround myself.  If you are interested in joining my team, please contact me today.  I am always looking for more volunteers, and there may also be an internship position available at some future time.

Special thanks also to those in the legislature who have given of their time for my questions these last couple weeks.

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What's Next for Singing in the Wood?

After a guest post from my Catholic Writers' Guild friend John Konecsni, this blog will be going to my sister-in-law, Shannon Dennis, for a while.  She plans to write on faith and family issues, and I can't wait to read what she shares!